Which work is JUST right for you now?
Notice I said “now”?Before 40, it is easier just to accept any work. After all it pays the bills, gives us a job title and a sense of belonging in the world. The problem with this after 40 is that it becomes too easy to settle into a mundane life. It put one’s life on hold until there is a crisis which will happen after 40. Worst case, nothing will happen until retirement and then all those plans that waited until someday can get impacted by some event, economy crash or any personal crisis.Who are you?What must now emerge through you? Answer these questions: “I am a person who…? The work I really want to do now in my life is…?” Examine your answers. At this point of your life do you most want to work alone, with others, with large or small groups? Which work best aligns things which you are deeply passionate about, interested in, and which you feel you can do or learn to do?Whose work are you jealous of?Did you ever notice another person’s work and say to yourself: “I wish I could do that”?What work was this? What small step could you take today to learn more about this work for yourself?We become trapped by ourselvesThat is so easy. We get stuck in routines and as a result, we grow farther and farther from making the changes we need to make in mid-life. Examine your own life right now. Where are you stuck and how does this impact your work? Are you doing the work you love or just surviving day to day to pay the bills? What could you change in your life to break this pattern? Could you move to a less expensive area? Could your spouse start working? Could you start selling a product or service on the side to create extra income? Could you get a student loan and go back to school and get additional education in an area you are really passionate about?So what work fits you JUST right?Think about it. Do you like to teach or consult others? Design things or work with numbers? Help people or exercise? Where do you most want to contribute now? The world has so many big challenges now! Where can you contribute? Does your work give you a sense of a bigger purpose about your life?An important exercise right nowImagine I gave you 50 million dollars right now. What would you do with it? Six months from now after a little traveling, paying bills and buying stuff, how would you spend the rest of your life?What would be the pattern of your day?This is an important exercise to ponder. Now let’s imagine I took away the 50 million, what did you learn from this exercise? I have discovered that people who are doing what they love would not change much with or without the money. Those doing JUST a job would make radical change if they had the money.This isn’t practical!“This isn’t practical!”A typical excuse I hear from people in the middle part of their lives why they don’t pursue the work which they love. It prevents people from living an authentic life. Do your relationships support what you want to do now? If not, change your relationships. Does your money situation control every move you make? Make a plan to control your flow of money better. Do you ask for permission from others before deciding what to do? Give yourself permission first! The mind can’t tell the difference between what is real and what is made up when dreaming of the future. If you can envision it, you can do it!Perhaps it’s time for change?Perhaps the work you did before 40 helped to build ego and a money nest egg. Perhaps after 40, this same work no longer fits you. Perhaps it’s time for change. Does your current work bring you closer to your goals or farther? Do you have goals? Do these goals align with what is most important in your life?It can be easy to hideThere are many places to hide from oneself in this world. We can hide behind lackluster jobs, financial problems, non-supportive spouses and friends and, of course, from ourselves. In the end this is a strategy that simply does not work.Don’t wait for YOUR crisis to make changeMost people do. YOU can be different. Think deeply about the work which you most want to do now. Stop looking for JUST a job and instead envision the work which best fits you now. Which work brings you joy, coherence about your life and sense of self. What is the persona you currently are presenting to the world? Is this the one you are comfortable with? At your next dinner party when someone asks you, “What do you do?” How will you answer? Try answering with WHO you are vs. WHAT you do. This is a good practice.Which work is JUST right for you right now?Only you can answer this. Take time to ponder this question alone and without input from others.This will be the best time you have ever spent with yourself and it will turn your life into a new direction, a direction which will bring you more happiness.I’ll be cheering you on as you goCraig Nathanson
The Ten Steps to Happiness After 40
I know — easier said than done. Most of us go through our lives never really getting to know ourselves. After all, life offers us many distractions. Who has time for self-reflection? The only way to to be happy after 40 is to get to know yourself really well. This includes accepting and loving who you are. This includes accepting and loving the nervous habits that only you know about, those annoying addictions, and that little pot belly or slight jiggle. All your life perhaps, you have been reminded by a parental voice that you are not quite good enough or smart enough. Or maybe it’s a loving spouse who, with all good intentions, is quick to remind you of your faults. It may be just society — and all the pressures to look and act young while buying lots of stuff and having perfect children and lots of money. All this can make self-reflection a scary proposition, but this is the first and most important step towards happiness. Start with this simple question:
Be completely selfish and honest with your answer
Sounds logical, doesn’t it? Examine your list. What are some of the things that make you happiest; and make you feel most alive? Perhaps it’s the little things — like reading the paper in the morning? Or reading a good book? Maybe it’s spending time with those you care about? Maybe it’s playing on the computer writing music. The point is this: make sure each day contains at least some of these important elements. This will make you happy.
Don’t give up these items to satisfy others and their demands. This will lead to illness and unhappiness.
Humans need humans. We also need a few — or even just one — person we can think about all the time: planning activities with or just daydreaming about. Ideally, this will be the same person who spends their day planning for you, dreaming about you, perhaps making your special cup of tea when you come home at night. With someone to care for in a equal relationship, you will be happy. So many relationships end up lopsided, with one person more dependent on the other. Two people who place each other’s needs in high priority in a loving way enables happiness.
Humor helps to focus the mind on the silly aspects of life. Humor helps break patterns such as negative thinking and addictive habits. Whether it’s watching funny movies, going to see comedy or just joking with people you meet, you will lighten the stress of everyday life. This will help you to be happy.
I used to become so angry about sales calls to the house at dinner time. Now, it becomes my comedy hour. The other day someone called to offer some type of insurance. The offer was that if I agreed to buy the insurance, they would send out a ten dollar gift certificate for gas in 7-10 days. I told them I was out of gas today, and asked if they could overnight the coupon, so that I could have gas the following day. Then I asked them when their dinner break was. They told me, and I said I would call them back during their dinner break as I was having my dinner! The person said they weren’t allowed to take calls during dinner!! Amazing, but you get the idea! Laugh with others, and find comedy in your daily life. This will make you happy.
There are lots of ways to be more physical. You can run, lift weights, swim, do yoga, walk, make love—you get the idea. Motion changes emotion. Stuck in a depression? Get out and move! This will make you happy.
A twenty-minute nap lying down will recharge your batteries. Add eight hours of sleep each night, and you will feel rested. When we are rested, our creativity soars, our spirits are lifted, and we look at the bright side of our lives. Well-rested people are happier!
The typical American diet is little to no breakfast, a decent lunch, and a huge dinner. Break this pattern. Start to eat smaller meals throughout the day. I recommend five meals throughout the day, small and healthy meals, of course.
What we eat has a huge influence on our attitude, and ultimately our happiness. Fight the urge for unheathy foods. Healthy eating habits can help make you happy.
When we let others and their feelings and perceptions of us worry us all day, this drains our energy and spirit. When we live our lives for the approval of others, we are no better off than the puppet on the string at the local children’s puppet show. Become internally motivated, and you will become emotionally stronger. Use quiet time to think deeply about one subject at a time until you reach a conclusion and resolution. In the end, tell yourself you did the best you could at the time. This will make you emotionally strong, and you will be happier.
Your money has no loyality to any person or cause. It goes where you decide to place it.
Even though there is really great software these days to track your money, start with a pencil and a piece of paper. Examine what comes in each month, and what goes out. That’s it.
Make sure you are spending money on things that are important to you and that add value in your life. Certain bills may add value in your life, such as the electric bill, but the multiple credit card bills do not add value, especially if, like most of us, you still have the bills coming long after you have forgotten what you bought. Pay these off. There is no secret here. You either have to reduce expenses or increase income. Both can make you happy. In my experience, reducing the expense side will make you happier!
Of course I saved the best for last. When we spend our days doing work that aligns our interests and our abilities — and feels just right — we are happier. Start by examining your work: this can help you progress through the other nine steps. Most of us figure out what work might make us happy, but then we quickly convince ourselves that our dreams are not possible.
Think about it, if you don’t believe that your dreams are possible, who else will?
START!
Each day, focus on one of these steps and within a few weeks you will learn how to use all ten steps together. Like a well-tuned orchestra, you will start to play the music that makes you happiest.
After 40, isn’t it about time for you?
I’ll be cheering you on as you go- Craig Nathanson
Craig Nathanson is the author of P Is For Perfect: Your Perfect Vocational Day and a coaching expert who works with people over forty.
Visit Craig’s online community at http://www.thevocationalcoach.com where you can take a class, get more ideas through Craig Nathanson’s books and CD’s, get some private coaching over the phone or in Craig’s office, or read other stories of mid-life change and renewal.
Craig lives and works in Petaluma, California. His office is located at 921 Transport Way, Suite 3, Petaluma Ca, 94954. You can reach him at 707-775-4020 or at craig@thevocationalcoach.com.
Over 40 and Laid Off?
Probably not the first piece of advice you would expect to get!
When you are laid off, the range of emotions you feel can be overwhelming. You become your own worst critic, and you start coming up with all the reasons why you lost the job. At home, you hear more of this from your family members, although maybe not so directly.
You feel like a failure. Your self-esteem is has taken a hit, and you feel depressed and a little lost. You feel angry and you’re not sure what to do about it. You rush forward into a new job search, and related frantic activity….
Instead, take some time for reflection. Chances are you didn’t even like this job or the work itself. Privately, you are a little excited to be free of this job prison, although you would not admit this to anyone right now.
This is the time to get away. It may be for a few days, or maybe a few weeks. Do nothing during this time except think deeply about what you want out of your life and what activities bring you the most joy. This is a rare space of time to think seriously about who you are, and where you want to make a contribution. Don’t lose this opportunity.
Sure, your immediate concerns probably revolve around how to pay next month’s bills. Ideally, you tap into other resources to buy time. After 40, we need more time than money.
There is probably nothing you can do in the next two weeks that will make a difference in the short term. Instead of working on your resume, make a money plan to get you through the next 1-3 months.
This is a rare opportunity in your life to really invest the time to think.
What work MUST emerge through you now? No external job description will ever get this right for you. This must come from you. Where do you most want to make a contribution in the world right now? Why is this important to you?
This is the MOST important question you must answer about your life and the reason you are here.
Once you have defined what you are really passionate about, it’s time to get educated.
Who is doing the work you most want to do? Read everything you can. The more you read, the more inspired you will get. Eventually, you may choose to embark on some formal education, but for now simply gather enough data to help you feel good about your choice of work.
When you are working at and learning about what you love, and what really interests you, you won’t be able to tell the difference between work and play. Soon, your vocation will become a lifelong vacation.
Instead, most of us just work at jobs. The difference between our jobs and the rest of our lives is very clear. Your life can be better than this!
Whether you decide to work for yourself or others, the process should be the same. What are exactly your best gifts, and what do you enjoy most? What kind of services or products can you create and sell to others using your unique gifts?
What are the features and benefits of what you will offer? What is the perfect niche audience for you and your products and services?
Let’s say, for example, that you like to design art work. You think, “Who would buy what I love to do most?” You think a little deeper, and realize that you could design cost-effective restaurant menus that would draw people to the restaurants. Your menus would feature specials, ingredients, and customer reviews. Restaurant owners would benefit as customers would learn more about their eateries, and what they have to offer. Then another thought hits: you could write a newsletter, displaying your brand, targeted at restaurant owners giving advice on how to brand their restaurants!
You decide to call this business “Creative menus”. You are off and running.
This same logic works whether you love to help animals or design software. The reason we are seeing so many layoffs today in corporate America is that most organizations don’t know how to develop entrepreneurial thinking or entice creativity inside their businesses.
Write down your vision of your perfect vocational day. Without this vision, you will have no motivation to move forward. Most people don’t change anything in their lives until the pain of not changing becomes greater than the initial discomfort associated with changing.
Most people look for jobs in an illogical way. They look for them! Most jobs were not designed for you in the first place.
You spend days and months networking, hoping a Job will come to you. The job probably will come to you eventually, but it will quickly look like the last job prison you were in.
There is a strong tendency to go back to what we did before, ONLY because it was familiar and we were good at it. After 40, it becomes critical to avoid this trap.
First define a plan, and steps to create for what you want. Then you will know where to look, and how to start building exactly what would be perfect for you.
Congratulations! You have a unique, perhaps once in a lifetime, opportunity to get to know yourself better and to ask better questions of yourself. Be careful what you ask, because the work you choose to do can determine the kind of person you become.
Take that pink slip and run to the nearest beach for reflection and peace. This is the best gift you can give yourself now.
I’ll be cheering you on as you go - Craig Nathanson
Craig Nathanson is the author of P Is For Perfect: Your Perfect Vocational Day and he is a coaching expert who works with people over forty.
Visit Craig’s online community at http://www.thevocationalcoach.com where you can take a class, get more ideas through Craig Nathanson’s books and CD’s, get some private coaching over the phone or in Craig’s office, or read other stories of mid-life change and renewal.
Craig lives and works in Petaluma, California. His office is located at 921 Transport Way, Suite 3, Petaluma Ca, 94954. You can reach him at 707-775-4020 or at craig@thevocationalcoach.com.
Ten good steps to overcome the fear of change
Step One: Envision what you wantMaking change especially when it comes to your work the fear of change tends to stop us in our tracks. We worry what will happen if we make a mistake or do the wrong thing. It can be the result of not having a clear vision of the desired state. Be clear about what you want (this is true in most aspects of life) and then you'll be able to see how this change will get you closer to your goals.Step Two: Take a field tripDo you remember how exciting it was as a child to take a field trip somewhere during school time? You took your lunch, maybe rode a bus and actually got to leave the school during the day to go somewhere new? Prior to making a big change in your life, take a field trip. That is, take a day off and visit the place you may be going to live or work and spend some time imagining your new life. This field trip will get you excited about positive change in your life.Step Three: Talk to others who careStart talking to others who care about you and would be interested in this change. Don't talk to people who don't care and would not be interested in this change for you. The more you talk to others in your support network, the more committed you will become towards your plans.Step Four: Build new networksBuild new networks to support this change. If you are moving to a new line of work or perhaps a new area to live, start to build new connections. This will give you a foundation, structure and sense of place in your new home.Step Five: Move towards pleasure in your lifeMuch of the fear of change comes from living a secure life of avoidance. That is a life of staying clear of risks and essentially hiding under the rock most of your life. With a strategy moving towards pleasure, you start to take more calculated risks. Be more proactive and you will start to move towards what you want vs. avoiding what you do not want in your life.Step Six: Look at your life as a series of stepsRarely does major change occur as a result of one big change. To move towards more of what you want in your life, it takes small steps. Whether you are seeking a new relationship, a new line of work or a new area to live, make small steps first. Step Seven: Make many small changes with the big changeChanging relationships? Buy some new clothes! Changing work? Get a new desk or planner! Changing where you live? Start grocery shopping at a new store. Small changes help to lay a foundation for bigger changes.Step Eight: Change, especially after 40. It is time!Change can start to break old patterns of living and thinking. As a result, new opportunities emerge for growth and happiness. Change after 40 can be challenging. Think about change in mid-life as mandatory for good health.Step Nine: Look back and forwardThink back to when you made major changes in your life. You will discover in most cases they all lead to positive outcomes. Trust your intuition. Look forward to the result of new changes. Imagine all the new possibilities!Step Ten: CelebrateNo one is going to throw a party for you after you make a major change in your life. In fact you may even lose a few friends who don't agree with your change. The best way to reinforce every small change in your life is to celebrate yourself! Plan in advance a trip or small party right after the change. This will serve as an anchor for the future that you can overcome the fear of change. No reason to FEARThere is no reason to ANY longer be afraid of change after 40. It is healthy, necessary and MANDATORY for recreating a second half of life which WORKS better for you!I'll be cheering you on as you go!Craig Nathanson
Midlife Career Change
Around 40 is often an age when people take stock of their lives and a niggling fear starts to creep in......."If I haven't achieved my dreams now maybe I just have to give up on them."
However this attitude fails to recognise just how many wonderfully transferable skills you have built up through your life, through work, through life experiences and through formal and informal learning. These skills can be used in your new career, and if you have made a good career choice for yourself your skills will undoubtedly be highly valued in your new role.
Career change for people in the midst of their career is a specialty of this practice. You deserve to have work that fulfills you and provides you with more than a salary. There is a Chinese proverb that says "If you love your work you will never work another day in your life." That should be your goal - to find the work you love and then do everything you can to make that your work.
To help you achieve this goal, career counselling is required. If you have a deep knowledge of yourself and have some ideas about what you want to do, then we will move straight into career counselling. However if you are feeling very confused, sometimes we use CareerWorks, an amazing holistic computer based career development program which analyses your responses to many questions and provides a comprehensive report that considers all aspects of you in relation to work. This provides the basis for our ongoing deep career counselling.
Once your future direction has been decided upon, career coaching can support you as you journey towards your new career. Career Coaching often makes the biggest difference to clients who make their career decision, but then feel alone as they try to implement their action plan. By continuing the coaching relationship a little you